Sexual Disorders Among Males & Females
Until now, only a few books and articles in
Evolutionary Psychology
focused on explaining a variety of psychological symptoms from an evolutionary perspective. Most publications focus on two disorders: anxiety and depression. Whenever I interview a new patient who exhibits a specific symptom, I ask myself, whether this symptom occurs to most people when they are stressed, regardless of their culture and race. If the answer is positive, I relate to it as a professional challenge to hypothesize how that symptom could contribute to the survival or the procreation of our ancestors.
A Case Presentation: Sexual Disorders Among Men
Joe, a 28 years old man, married Ruth about three months before our first meeting. He claimed that during the beginning of their marriage, he enjoyed having sexual relationships with Ruth, but lately, he has been experiencing sexual difficulties. Some times, he experiences premature ejaculation, and some times erectile dysfunction. During the last few weeks, he has completely lost his interest in sex. The fact that Ruth is very hurt, makes him feel guilty, and it complicates their relationship. At first, Joe blamed his long hours at work, and the fact that he felt very tired at nights. Since the symptoms persisted, even during a week's vacation, he came to a conclusion that it is due to a physical problem. He went for a physical check up and his physician recommended psychotherapy. It was very hard for Joe to accept that he might have an emotional problem. He perceived himself as a stable person, and he could not identify any emotional issue that might cause his sexual symptoms.
When I asked Joe to describe his marital relationship, he had only positive things to say about Ruth and about their relationship.
"You mean, you never argue?" I asked.
"No, we hardly ever argue," he answered very quickly and he added,
"I don't like to argue with anyone. Whenever I get annoyed, I keep it to myself and after a while I forget about it."
"Does Ruth sometimes annoy you?"
"She tends to be very straight-forward with her feelings. If she does not like something, she says it right a way."
"Like what?"
"She gets angry with me if I leave a dirty plate on the counter or a piece of cloth on the floor." Joe looked sad.
"Do you feel sometimes as if she is mothering you?"
"No, she does not mother me" maybe she is fathering me. "My father was like that with all of us."
"Does she criticize you about your sexual performance?"
He hesitated for while and then he answered in a low voice, "Not really" maybe sometimes" once she told me that I need to learn how to touch her in a more sexy way." He looked like a scolded little child.
On my way home, after our first session, I said to myself, that Joe was my first case of sexual disorder, since I became interested in Evolutionary Psychology.
I asked myself, "Since many men suffer such sexual symptoms due to stress or anxiety, can it be that the symptoms helped our ancestors survive, while facing a predator?" In order to answer my own question, I visualized myself having a sexual relationship in the jungle, while a predator is walking towards us. The way I visualized my spontaneous reaction, helped me to form the hypothesis.
During the beginning of our next session, we focused on Joe's over-sensitivity to criticism and its connection to the fact that his father used to criticize him during his childhood. Joe accepted my interpretation and added that he was aware that he is very sensitive also to his boss. He wondered how his over-sensitivity related to his sexual symptoms. I asked him to close his eyes and visualize himself living in the ancient time, watching a nice looking half-nude woman walking towards him with a smile. I asked him to describe his reaction.
"I assume I'll have an erection, and I'll offer her to have sex with me."
"How would you react if suddenly a predator will approach you?"
"I'll run away as quickly as I can and maybe I'll climb up a tree."
"What about your erection? Will you keep it while running and climbing a tree?"
Joe started to laugh. "Of course not. It is impossible to run with an erection. It is even harder to climb a tree with an erection. It
seems to me, that in order to survive, I am better off losing my erection very quickly."
"And what would you do if in the middle of having a sexual relationship you see a predator far away from you? Would you lose your
erection immediately and climb a tree or would you figure out that you have enough time to ejaculate very quickly, in order to impregnate her,
and only then would you run away?"
Joe smiled at me. "I understand the advantages of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, in the ancient time, but why did I
lose interest in sex?"
"When we are engaged in sexual relationships, we focus our attention on our partner. As a result, we are less aware of the surroundings. In the ancient time, it could be very dangerous to have sex while many predators are around you. This means, that our sexual desire is high only when we feel secure." "Okay, I understand that you believe that my symptoms are due to the fact that I am overly sensitive of my wife's criticism. It is important for you to know that Ruth is not a predator. She loves me and she does not have any intention to bite me." "This is what your logical mind believes, but it seems to me that your unconscious/primitive mind is afraid of her. Whenever we are afraid, our survival instinct operates."
"So what do you suggest should I do when Ruth criticizes me? Should I run away and climb up a tree?"
"If you lived in ancient time and the woman you desired hated your guts and her teeth were very sharp, I would recommend running away and climbing up a very high tree."
"I am lucky to live in a big city and Ruth's teeth are not that sharp. Do you have a better suggestion how to cope with Ruth's criticism?"
"Yes, I do have a much better recommendation. I can teach you two things: at first to become less sensitive to criticism and then to learn to control your ancient instinct. I relate to that instinct, as an old computer program that pops up on your screen and is very annoying. It is impossible to delete it completely. What you should learn is to accept the fact, that such symptoms are normal reactions at time of stress. In the future, when the symptoms reappear, instead of being angry or disappointed with yourself just apply relaxation techniques that I am going to teach you and gradually, the symptoms will disappear."
During therapy, Joe dealt with his feelings towards his father and gradually he developed "thicker skin," which helped him to be less sensitive to any authority figure, including his wife. For a few sessions, the three of us met, in a couple's therapy. Joe overcame his sexual difficulties and the couple's relationship improved.
Sexual Disorders Among Women
The most common sexual symptoms among women are lack of desire and inability to climax. Talking to a gynecologist about the subject, helped me to hypothesize how such symptoms contributed to the procreation of our women ancestors. The gynecologist shared with me studies that found out, that when a woman climaxes her probability of being impregnated is much higher, for two reasons:
• While climaxing, the muscles of the vagina contract and as a result, the semen is pushed upwardly towards the uterus.
• A man usually reaches climax before the woman. If he cares about her, he will help her to climax, while she continues to lie dawn on her back. In case she does not climax, after he climaxes, she would stand up. As a result, the semen will drop out of her vagina.
Studies in zoology indicate that the birth rate among mammals decreases when they are stressed and when the chance of their offspring to survive is slim. One may speculate that when our ancient mothers were stressed, they lost their sexual desire and in case they did have sexual relationship, they did not climax. Although today stress is different than in ancient times, but the old instinct is still influencing modern women.
A professional paper in Hebrew, about the subject titled: "Sexual Disorder from Evolutionary Perspective" was published in: Harefua, Journal of the Israel Medical Association.
Women and men who suffer from variety of sexual symptoms, tend to have a cautious personality more than their peers. Since “knowledge is power”, it eases for self-acceptance and positive coping with variety of anxieties symptoms, reading of the chapter
"Cautious vs. Daring" is recommended.